Ex- England captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that claimed the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast 14 days after learning he has the disease.
"There's an element of looking the future in the face and not wanting to fully comprehend that at the present time," he stated.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's heading. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his current welfare, his family and making preparations for when the condition deteriorates.
"Maybe that's trauma or maybe I process things in another way, and when I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
First Symptoms
Moody discovered he had MND after noticing some lack of strength in his shoulder area while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're rightly very emotional about it, but it's so strange because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't sense ill. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I remain able to performing anything and everything. And optimistically that will persist for as long as is attainable."
Condition Advancement
MND can progress rapidly.
According to the organization MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a 33% of people within a twelve months and more than half within two years of detection, as eating and breathing become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only delay deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an affected Moody.
"There's sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Household Consequences
Talking from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he mentioned telling his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog leapt across and commenced removing the tears off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody said the priority was remaining in the moment.
"There is no treatment and that is why you have to be so intensely focused on just welcoming and savoring everything now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been very lucky that the sole decision I made when I concluded playing was to allocate as much duration with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those years back."
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Top-level athletes are excessively affected by MND, with research indicating the incidence of the illness is up to 600% higher than in the general population.
It is thought that by reducing the air available and creating damage to nerve cells, consistent, strenuous exercise can initiate the illness in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Athletic Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, unwavering approach to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a workout scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a training equipment and began engaging in physical contacts.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the throw-in in the decisive phase of play, creating a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the victory-securing drop kick.
Support Network
Moody has already told Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a few other previous colleagues about his medical situation, but the rest will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to rely on their support but, at the present, just having that sort of love and acknowledgment that people are there is all that matters," he said.
"The sport is such a great group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you get to label your love your profession, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a duration with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will want to help in any way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
